I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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