You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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