I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
