bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
