it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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