A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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