capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
