you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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