What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
