It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
