My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
