i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize