I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
