Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
