so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
