Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
