Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
