Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
