Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
