Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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