no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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