You just made me feel so damn special
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
