Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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