she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
