I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
