Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
