The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
