Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
