I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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