dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
