I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
