Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
