Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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