my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
