i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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