he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
