My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
