Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Are we in a gay sports bar?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
