Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
