people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
