Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize