I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
