I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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