I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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