what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
