I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
