I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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