Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
