my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize