ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
