I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
nutella sex= disaster
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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