Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
