Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize