You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize