dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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