Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
