Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize