Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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