apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
