I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
