Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
