Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
