thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
