when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize