1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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