Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
ok first of all what the fuck
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
