I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
