The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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