I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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