walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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