: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
