so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
