it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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