do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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