make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize