Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
