so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
