loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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