sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have tasted many bathrooms
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
