he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
