I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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