Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
