I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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