i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
