I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Your dad touched me again.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
