i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
