what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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