I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
