i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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