yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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