he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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