i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
