It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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