I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
