i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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