Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So squirting runs in the family.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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